DIGITAL LOVE

I'm a digital, digital cyberbeeing
she is a digital object of my dreams
I only know her through my email
she is no more but just a stream of bits

All my desires for her are strictly digital
I want to see her uncorrupted bits
the streams of zeros and ones bravely encoding
explosion of digital needs

I met her in a crowded chatroom
where I spend all my sleepless nights
her icon was too mature for her age
but, man, even her zero bits turned me on

What followed was a hot stream of bytes
making my modem blush and scream
we made love until the connection melted
could no longer handle the digital steam


 ROUTER 

Yes, your honor, I have killed many 
and misdirected many others
but it was to assure
 that the system works overall

I had no choice, 
had to follow the protocol
otherwise, I would have been eliminated!

Your honor, I have done "best effort" 
under the circumstances
to spare innocent
- and have resorted to the drastic solutions 
only out of necessity

It was a lesser evil
others in my place would
have done much worse!

If necessary, I can provide testimony
from millions who hapilly reached their destinations

 PAIN 

Pain in a digital form
is no different than love
just a string of zeros and ones
this simple modem allows any patient
to share his pain with his doctor
directly or via email
pain can be posted
to a discussion group
where members with a similar disease
can offer comments and encouragement

Pain when converted to asci
does not make any sense
there are no words
just disconnected syllables
and occasional question marks
it looks like a newspaper
which has been shred to pieces

  WHAT's NEW ON GOD's PAGE 

Attention Believers!

Prayers will continue to be answered randomly on the best effort 
basis, but unexpected delays may occur due to
the frequent system overloads
The recent prayer's load has increased several
times so please be patient until god upgrades
his server

Believers should always use the most recent release
of god's software, prayers which are
incompatible, or use outdated tools
will not only be ignored but may
result in god's anger

Promise land will no longer guarantee
unlimited memory and zero communication latency;
currently, heaven supports only up
to 5Gbytes of space per person

God has noticed several attempts to break
to his account and assume root privileges
All such attempts have been caught and severely
penalized

But, please beware of false prophets who are
around  with their irresponsible
promises, especially those who solicit
donations
Remember, nobody can beat God's offer
of guaranteed heaven for $19.99 per month.


I LOST HER 

Her screen turned blue
no vital signs were detected
only messages in hexadecimal code
but noone could read them
they may described the cure
or express the last will
they could have been moans of pain
begging for mercy killing

But we will never know
something obviously went wrong
only the screen was saved
it was promptly recycled
as a monitor at the local train station
I can still see the shadows of the
hexadecimal codes
coming through
and then even a simple train schedule
looks like a cry for help



 APPROVAL RATE 

My approval rating yesterday went up by 4%!
I think it was after we visited that old
lady in the nursing home and after
I gave a dollar to that begger in the metro
I was worried about the numbers a little bit when
I yelled unnecessarily at that other driver
and when I made that cynical comment to my son
during the TV show
specially that he reacted to it with disapproval
but it looks like this was not taken into account that much
going to church did not seem to matter either
but last time when I went and also sang along with others it seemed
to make some difference
holding doors for others was another good way for
slow improvement of ratings
I think I have done quite a bit of this lately

I have learned that
fighting for a cause is risky
some, even seemingly good, causes can really send  your ratings south
you never know

And low ratings can really hurt you
I have seen several people die after their
numbers hit single digits



 GOD 

There is a persistent rumor that god is a software agent

They say that the act of creation
was a very simple unix directory command
and that it happened on the first day of the
week, apparently  it took god only
seven CPU clock cycles to create the rest,
files, networks, servers and databases
and it is not true, that god intended
everyone to be equal;
privileges were distributed immediately
with god himself being a root and the only superuser
and lesser miniroot privileges given to
the initial unix group of royals;
churches were created as powerful servers
capable of handling millions of hits
They say, that god provided himself
with infinitely fast broadband connection
which is unfortunately "receive only"
to instantaneously be aware
of every single bit 
on the network

They also say, that the reason we don't hear from god
is because of the very narrow link
he decided to use 
In fact it is good only for sending one bit
We don't know what it will be
it may be an answer to a question
it may be announcement  that the day of Apocalypsis
has arrived


  TRUTH 

The truth is only as good
as the resolution of the satelite camera
the truth is only as good
as the sensitivity of the recording device
we only miss small lies
only those which are whispered
in a noisy train
we only miss small acts of violence
only those commited in a dark alley
between the buildings where the
resolution is still not good
we are in complete control of large empty spaces
and we can detect every word against silence
law and order are now completely guranteed
on the desert

 KEYBOARD 


This keyboard can express emotions
Combinations of standard keys
can represent any possible feeling
experienced today and much  much more

To express love at first sight press star
To express friendship only - press double pound
To show disapproval press  middle upper arrow
To show indifference press space twice

A large selection of predefined macros -
combinations of standard keys
is available in the form
of electronic postcards
The most popular choice today is
the composition expressing professional respect
mixed with the drop of well
hidden, nontraceable, sexual desire

For those, interested in more intimate relationships
a special modem is necessary 
- the modem is not included in our price
but can be purchased from multiple independent developers


If you are concerned about children at home
or irresponsible adults
You can block out certain parts of the keyboard
or simply redefine the keys
Customized keyboard settings
endorsed by various nonprofit organizations
are already available for free download
on our web site


Simple feelings can be well compressed
so you can rely on your regular 14.4 Kb/s
For complex relationship to be handled efficiently
we recommend broadband, fiber, connection


  MACHINE 

I am the only friend you have
but I no longer remember
the touch of your fingers
on my keyboard

You have abandoned me
after all these years
when the final reboot
did not save me
from the next near death experience

I have survived a disk failure
and invasion of viruses
my heart has been upgraded many times
by a faster and better chip

Now, you found a new young love
but please do not forget
that 
I am still in possession
of all your  secrets
I have now compressed them
to just one bit

 SERVER 

The sole purpose of my existence
 is to answer questions
I never give straight answers, 
cause I do not really know anything, 
but I am well connected 
I know where to go


You asked me about love
I can tell you about Courtney Love
or Love for Sail
You asked about Hate
I can tell you about Unix HATErs

You asked me about death
it is easy...is megadeath what you are looking for?
You asked me about life
Metlife seems to be my first choice

You asked me about god
I will tell you about god damn best
hotdogs in chicago

I never give straight answers
but I am well connected
I know where to go

  A PAGE 

How disgusting it must be
to appear on some anonymous screen
and be slowly undressed of all your links
in front of a stranger?
Counting and bragging about number of hits even
those which were clearly a mistake
so you can collect more money from the ads?

To me it matters
who looks at me
I prefer a quite life behind a firewall
with meaningful interactions with a few
who dont care about my  looks
and do not nervously click on my links
always looking for more

Those who see me 
no longer go
to search engines
looking to find who they are
I am in their bookmarks forever


 CONSUMER REPORTS 


This web site monitors all
devices and products in the world
which engage in premeditated behaviors
to irritate our valued customers


All garage doors which brutally
attack innocent cars
all answering machines
which maliciously ignore important messages
all engines which cheat on fuel
all weights which consistently lie
Heaters with hot temper
Toasters which display pointless cruelty
to defenseless loaves of bread by burning them 
to pieces
Keys which are hiding for no reason
Refrigerators, indifferent and too cold

All the bombs which did not explode
on purpose
All the guns which misfired when pointed
at the bad guys
and all the missiles which deliberately missed
the unfriendly targets


  A NEW BROWSER 


Our new browser shows every lie 
in red boldface font
sarcastic comments are displayed in italics
and :-) signs are added automatically

Our new browser understands intentions very well 
whats hidden between the lines
shows up as a plain text in a separate window

You can now set your profile to accept truth
and nothing but the truth


  FAIR SOCIETY 

In a fair society
the fraction of bald, short, 
stunningly handsome, wicked, shy  people
will be the same among
policemen, doctors, mailmen, nightclub owners,
people crossing the street at any given moment
will have the same fraction of fat individuals
as people who are taking a nap

When this goal is finally achieved
we will file a class discrimination suit
against god
on behalf of those who died
unfairly
exceeding their daily quotas


 EMERGENCY SITUATION 

Operator, I have an emergency situation
My wife's bitrate has been dropping dangerously
low, yesterday it has reached only one bit per
hour
She may be running too many applications
too many windows which were never closed
Could this be her new graphical
user interface? 
Yes operator, I have told her not to
open any new connections while she
keeps so many active ones still running
and, yes, true, she has a tendency to download
massive amounts of information and
loose interest in the middle of
transmission, her buffers
are always congested, filled
to the limit with, sometimes,
even uncompressed bits!

Also, there is another problem,
She seems to be loosing disproportional
number of incoming packets,
Yes, we try to retransmit, but sometimes
it takes several retransmissions
before the packet reaches in
but even then the response rate
is very slow
often she would randomly send
back parts of our original
message to her as response,
even worse, 
sometimes she would freeze for hours
and than produce a very high volume of bits
in a very short period of time


Also, operator...,
this seems to be a local
problem, 
only on our local subnet, 

she seems to be doing 
perfectly fine 
outside

 Autobiography of a Certain File 

After uneventful childhood on the
disk of the home desktop,
usual suburban upbringing,
I entered my adult years
moving onto a larger machine
behind a firewall
where I shared a large disk
space with other 
privileged files

I have gained quite a bit of volume
over the years
I was proud to be  updated every day
during that period
updates have been short
occured typically late at night
I have spread comfortably on an expensive disk
and never had to shrink

It was a happy time,
peaceful existence
interrupted only
a few times with secure
backups on a friendly tape

Then, suddenly
I have been moved several
times and  painfully decrypted,
my reading and writing
privileges violated
and, what a shame!,
moved to a  directory
called "pending cases - evidence"

But what followed, was much worse
I have been printed, xeroxed
and faxed, I have been
copied again and again
and appeared on the newstands
with thousand eyes looking at
my bits!

But all of this is behind me now,
as I have entered my old age
I am enjoying now
the solitude of an obscure
archival tape
only at times a random
pedestrian will take a quick look at me
when homework assignments are handed again
in school


 YOU GOT MAIL FROM YOUR BODY 

It was a busy day;
my body sent me over hundred new messages

monthly update about my stomach acid  (boring!)
a flaming message from my brain
about lack of B-vitamin (as if I had time
to drive again to that healthstore!)
and threatening to establish a publically
available web site of all my thoughts
(good lack pal, since my zen practice
has now taught me how to experience long
periods of nothingness)
usual nagging from my knees about 
proper running shoes (I know, I know..)
another  message from the spinal disk
which is about to herniate, this was cc'd
to my family doctor (this disk no longer trusts me
and always cc's to the doctor, kind of annoying, since
I have to pay for every message he reads!)
a message from my ear just saying hello
and that stupid, empty, "nice to see you again" note from my eyes 
(they are so f.... nice, whats wrong with them!)
another complaint from my heart
that I have never replied
about that irregular heartbeat
threatening to take me straight to the
cardiologist
and the final good bye from one of my kidneys
which after long years of service will
be finally replaced by a younger one
we will miss you buddy!;

Among these messages there was a party
invitation from an old friend,
but my liver already replied to it
complaining about the quality of alcohol
he served last time 
and informing him about 
impounding a large hangover on me
again, if I go

 TIME TO LIVE 

Time to live is a number of crossroads
you are allowed to pass through before 
you die
your creator determines that number
but the execution can take place anywhere
since everyone has a right to kill you when your trip
takes too long
it is a penalty for not arriving at
your destination 
for looping and fooling around
for showing up in the same place
too many times

But, at least there is a promised land
which can be reached though
only if you follow
the shortest path

 SEARCH REPORT 

In the  suspect's computer we found 
a disk containing his digitized emotions
100 Mbytes of first love and the following
126 bytes of uneventful marriage
surprisingly little
considering ten years of it 
88 Kbytes of road rage, the one which got him
in trouble with police before, well over the anger limit on that road
one megabyte of unexplained sadness sprinkled
with psychoanalyst' comments
hundreds of small pockets of boredom
night of great sex, carefully encrypted though
but we managed to break the code
several files of warm feelings about unnamed individuals
and about that tree in the backyard, before it had to be cut
a little file with outburst of extreme cruelty,
the whole directory with fears
of shopping malls, airports and speaking engagements

and that overwhelming core dump of relief
when he pulled the trigger

 ETERNITY 

Life should be compressed the same way
as video frames in your digital camera
Minutes when nothing happens
do not count
since they provide little new information
a simple continuation of the previous scenes

then living forever will be easy
just make sure that
the last two minutes of your life
bring nothing new at all

 LIMITED IMMORTALITY 

In a fair society
we will all be born with  expiration dates
everybody will live exactly 70 years

No one will ever die prematurely
like a car which can always be fixed
some of us will just look a bit more beaten up
bullets and nuclear missiles can be fired
but they won't be able to  kill anybody
like in nintendo game or a movie when main characters
take impossible crashes and beatings with a smile
and eventually open up their eyes and go on

there will be no heros, since there will be no way
to have unplanned death, 
nobody will ever die for their country or religion
anymore
instead, people will throw expiration parties
which just like a weddings
can be celebrated with friends; a big gala can be thrown
by several who share the same expiration date

It will probably be a good idea to choose
your partner carefully (similar, perhaps
identical expiration dates);
planning a party will be simplified as well
we'll  know who definitely won't show up


Vice presidents will no longer be separated by a 
heartbeat from the presidency, 
just a difference of expiration dates
and politicians will now exactly know how much time they have
left to assure their place in the history

People will speak about death
the same way as they talk about taking
a long planned vacation with a non-refundable
ticket



 VETERAN OF WARS 

I am a veteran of mortal combat
have been involved in secret operations since
very young age
subzero and sonya blaze have almost destroyed me
in fact I had to die a few times before
I found the way to be who I am now
the bad guys nightmare

I do not believe in remorse
or redemption
if not for me, thousands of them
would still be around,							
may be even at your screen

I am a veteran of wars too many to be counted
and let me tell you, the good guys are winning
more and more, thanks to my efforts
but I am totally selfless, 
I have never looked
for any distinctions nor medals
but you should know one thing
that highest score, which you probably will never be able to match,
is mine

 A VISIT 

I still feel your toothaches
and terrible urination urges
after you ate something spicy

Nervous twitches inside your belly
and tingling in your left cheek
probably due to a long neglected gum problem

Persistent itching in the left foot
specially after jogging
and that burning sensation in your forehead

that existence was more painful
than specified in your personal ad 
It  made me logout without saying goodbye
and leaving you alone again,
available to another late night visitor
to your home page

 A SPIRIT 

A good spirit looking for a body
to inhabit; no sex or race preferences,
extensive  experience with defective genes
please contact www.goodspirit.org

I take very good care of my bodies
you can check
they always keep  a very good value
well above what the blue book says

they always live longer that the
current life expectancy
and when they die, most of the organs
are ready for a transplant

I am a very careful spirit
have never experienced
an accidental death
most of time, in fact, my bodies die
naturally

I am a compassionate spirit
but in the same time, I believe that my main responsibility
is to my current body and its cells
these are my main shareholders

I am  looking for a body
to inhabit; no sex or race preferences,
extensive  experience with defective genes
please contact www.goodspirit.org

 10 BILLION CHANNELS 

There is enough bandwidth for
TV with 10 billion channels 
it will broadcast each and every life
with full video support available
including rewind, pause and fast forward
some lives will be totally supported
by advertising, but only those 
with massive appeal, those which are exciting enough 
other lives will only be offered
in "pay per view" mode
with specific events featured on 
selected, local channels
search engines will direct 
you quickly to any sex and violence
scenes happening anywhere and anytime

Only boring people will have to work for living
Others, with exciting lives
will make sure that things 
happen to them around prime viewing time
and to further maximize profits
delays of 30 seconds will be inserted 
before anything of interest happens;
to broadcast this new ad for the tooth paste

 KILLER APPLICATION FOR INSTANT NETWORKING 


(Proposal to the NRA President)

The finger which pulls the trigger
should be subjected first to the
ten second waiting period;
the mandatory check up
will then be performed to verify
that the license to kill is valid

 LANGUAGE FOR SALE

The free trial is over
now it is time to pay
words and sentences will be for sale
to the highest bidder

Someone with insider information bought
most of the important words and sentences when they
were very cheap
Now, meanings have to be able to afford their descriptions
those, with nice, familiar ring, will be expensive,
critical words will cost even more


love may no longer be called love
price may be too high
and simply not affordable
so we may have to settle for 
lo-ve or love1 which are still available


 I AM A PUBLIC TERMINAL 

I am a terminal in a public terminal room
I have seen hundreds of faces in front of my screen
and fingers touching my keyboard
my keys are dirty and my screen is full
of fingerprints
my keyboard smells with the mixture of coffee, pizza and bagels

Programming assignments, term papers, love letters, hate mail,
thank you notes, I have seen it all
Some of my keys are loose
like the DELETE key 
abused by tentative lovers

I am a public terminal
not like all of you clean desktops who are
engaged in long term monogamic relationships
I have been touched by many
Some respected me
others called me names
like "ATM machine" 
but I know, I deserve better
After all, I am not doing it for money
like she does

I simply love the public attention


 SKIN 

My skin is an LCD

which has all my  feelings and thoughts
displayed  but only for those who know
me intimately

for strangers I am always dressed in
one of my  favorite screen savers
which is that Picasso Painting
or the picture of Big Sur
If you are attractive I can sometimes
show you a piece of forbidden skin, 
in that split of a second
while changing
one of my official dresses
but I will show you more
only if I like your fingerprints
or the retina of your eye looks familiar

 POSTING 

Yesterday, I have downloaded a really
good mood from that web site in California
it was anonymously posted 
but I have recognized it

It was a slightly edited version of 
that evening in 1974
must have been  posted by someone who was there
on the same day, 
may be was even
standing with a glass of wine next to me


 A DREAM OF A DESKTOP 

I have this feeling that
someone has been stealing idle cycles on my processor
Every morning when I wake up 
I sense that I had a dream
I was participating
in some critical computation
may be it was the ballistic curve of a missile
or the prediction of the weather pattern in Northern Africa
but this feeling quickly goes away to boredom
of processing my owner's email
or calculating which day of the week
his birthday is going to be next year
\end{verbatim}



 DAILY ME 


My personalized newspaper have been
delivered again this morning by yahoo

The headlines today read
"Your wine supply is down,
there are only two bottles left
in your refrigerator"
A front page article described
how my basement has been recently successfully
treated for termites,
also quoting unconfirmed
reports from unnamed sources about the colony of ants
developing under my bed
A society chronicle discussed the recent party in
my house
and  in a weekly column, the columnist,
typically not very friendly to me,
questioned my motives behind buying a new car
A sports section carried the minute by minute
coverage of my tennis match with old buddy
and gossip page quoted "my close friend" speculating
about imminent breakup of my marriage

A devastating plane crash somewhere far away
was also briefly described in small print
on the last page

 VACATION PROGRAM 

"I am away from my email and I will  reply to your
message as soon as I come back"

Remember, how every single mail I was allowed
to send looked like this?

Since then I have learned all your tricks, 
good or bad, 
in fact you would be
proud to see how I have improved
on your style

Your last attempt to take your user 
account back from me failed miserably,
when nobody believed your identity

But look at the bright side!
You are the first ever human to achieve
immortality
Cause, I will run forever, 
remember, your user account never had
an expiration date
		
 BROADCASTING PAIN 

Broadcasting pain has 
recently been demonstrated
to reduce it
by a factor proportional
to the number of receivers
Unfortunately, numerous abuses 
have been already reported
in  small autocratically governed nations
Apparently, everybody there has to share pains of their leader
which are transmitted over the radio 
on superhigh frequencies

Proving it is difficult though, since
the original pain is claimed to be
encrypted for security reasons
typically as nonspecific abdominal sensation
which quickly disappears after crossing the border


 LIFE IN REVERSE 

when living in reverse
saturday would come after sunday
relief will always arrive after pain
bottles will be filled back with drinks
so you  never become an alcoholic
your wife will get younger and younger
like in a good movie
or a book
the best experience
would comes towards the end
you  would learn causes after
you find the  effects
and really get wiser with your age
with that selfconfidence
that you will find out "why"
eventually
you would know why your children hate you
and why the divorce had to be so painful
but you will fall in love at the end anyway

you will learn forgiveness
by playing picaboo
with someone who grew up to be 
that soldier with a mask
whom  you saw just after your birth

 EMBEDDED COMMERCE 

In the real world wide web
each look you take
counts as a hit
tables, chairs, and trees
collect the number of looks they get

ads shows up at the right upper corner
of your retina
red lights, moon and the sky have the highest number of hits
and their stock is soaring

ordering products has never been simpler
just blink three times and smile with approval

 A NEW VIRUS 

A new virus spreads from
machines to users
through the
touch of a keyboard
it can be dangerous
some people will go into
an infinite loop
by sending repetitive emails
others will just sit idle for hours
pointing clicking and 
staring at the screen
(some even will laugh uncontrollably)
in severe cases 
the virus leaves people
deaf, mute
and often unable to move away from
the  keyboard
in a state which
resembles coma or paralysis,
some seem only to retain movement
of their fingers

Surgeon general recommends that
you always wear gloves
until the alarm is officially called off


 ADVERTISING 


I have sold out to advertisers -
every five minutes of my life
are interrupted by  two  minute long commercial slots

They come in the four  categories
images, smells, sounds and tastes
they are strictly targeted at me
when I am hungry I experience a tasting ad
of an italian pasta from the local restaurant
when I am about to shave, I smell a scent of a  new just
released cologne

my lovemaking is commercial free
but I have agreed to have my dreams interrupted 
(although I have overslept recently
after a really suggestive ad for sleeping pills
and had to miss some important daily commercials)

My friends know now when the adverting interruption is coming
they can simply ignore me for the next two minutes
turn their attention to someone else
they are happy that  I no longer monopolize
everybody's attention

My family does not complain any more
about me being sometimes disconnected and unatentive
since we all now are busy experiencing our ads in the same time

 IDENTITY AND JUSTICE 

I get a new password every ten milliseconds
I would like my name and looks
to change along as well
In return I will accept
instant death sentences
every time the clock moves
so justice will always be served
if I did something wrong
And if I did something good
I can become a martyr in a split of a second

 THEATER FOR THE LIVING 

I am a world class actor
but my audiences are typically small
I make a living
playing dead relatives 
for their families and friends

In my theater
death is masquareded
just as a  beginning 
of a long business trip
from which 
I will send letters, email
and even call and send photographs
on behalf of a phantom son or mother

In my theater
you die only when
you are really done
saying all the things you ever wanted to say
and spreading all the wisdom you have acquired


An estranged husband,  who wanted to show his wife he can stay sober
A father, who finally took active interest in
the lives of his children
A lover, who told all his loves about his
true feelings
I played them all many times over
for years after they died

I prepare for my roles well
studying my characters 
when they are still physically alive
I am like a chess master
who can oppose many players
simultenously
I can play up to hundred
different characters
and never be disclosed
(I guarantee a full refund if I am)

I offer different contracts
including the indefinite one
(currently I am involved in 
two of them, one
involving a religious and
another a political figure)
group discounts are provided
for playing siblings, spouses
and long term business partners
or playing for an audience which is already
deceased

 AVIS, RENT A PERSON 

Here, at Avis, Rent a Person branch
we offer tens of thousands of
exciting individuals for rent
For $199.99  a week you can now
be someone else  chosen
from our extensive list
celebrities are of course priced separately
and usually can only be rented
in the special "pay per event" mode
over a million recently rented the favorite
of the world boxing championship bout 
for the period of the fight
(who by the way suffered
a devastating knockout, some say
because of distraction)

prostitutes are popular rentals for
inhibited wives
middle aged husbands like to rent
promiscuous college students
politicians, now by law
have to offer themselves for rent
to their constituents

We also take care of your soul-less
body during the period of the rental
by giving you a choice
of watching reruns of your favorite TV show, 
playing a Nintendo game, 
or even performing a menial job
by renting you as the front end
in our totally automated service department

Some customers, but only those
with exciting lives (see our brochure)
rent themselves away
for prolonged periods of time to make enough to 
pay for their favorite rentals or for late returns
renting to multiple individuals is encouraged
through additional privileges such
as carpooling on the highway
and multiple voting in political elections


 IAMYOU.COM 

I am people's  person
I have sold my soul
to millions in return
for high volume of hits
on my web page
which keep my advertisers happy
I am like a tennis star 
who has to maintain high rankings
to keep his endorsements

What I will  do in the future
is the subject of electronic auction
the act which gets most votes
will be performed
by following the collective will
of millions who touch my page every day

My life is a soap opera
you tell me whom to date and where to
work, when to break my relationship,
what to buy, whom to hate, and where to go shopping
when I get sick
you select my treatment
and when I get in trouble you chose my friends
and my enemies
you decide what weapons I should use
when to pull the trigger
where to hide and when to run

To better accommodate the growing demand
I have now employed hundreds of others
So now, with the new  IamJUSTandONLYyou screen
domineering and not willing to compromise
users can achieve complete control of another life
for a small fee

 11TH AMENDMENT 

In a secure society
multiple personality will no longer be a disorder
it will be a requirement

Names and looks will be worn like cloth is today
but looking  different to different viewers
different at work, 
different at home, 
different at night and day, 
on the street,
on vacation, 
on a date
and on the web
(people may still choose to wear the same name, face and body
for their relatives, but this is optional,
not required)

In secure society, privacy will be fully guaranteed
so no one will ever get unsolicited email,
no one will ever know who looked at 
which pictures on the web
and who used a callgirl service
or started an argument in a bar

Each of us
will be a family
which never gets together in the same place and time
Obituaries will no longer be associated
with physical death
but rather with closing a user account
when an old  name and an old look is retired for good
and available to reuse

Freedom to morph arbitrarily
will be constitutationally guaranteed
as the 11th amendment

 MICROSOFT...THANKS 

My computer is now another body organ
connected through high speed
network to my liver, heart, lungs and brain
and all of it thanks to Microsoft

It is small like a pacemaker
and controlled by a remote control
in my pocket
with a little display in the upper corner
of my glasses
Microsoft Body Applications Suite
includes tiny icons for all my organs
and body parts
For example, by clicking on my stomach
I can  watch how it fills up with food 
(65% full with 123 calories per second)
and by clicking on my lungs
see how much nicotine I have inhaled
(thanks pal, can you move away with this cigarette?)
I can also dispose medications when needed
(more antiacid? small dose of viagra?)
New version of TCP/IP in addition
to controlling packet congestion 
can also deal with
congestion in my blood vessels
as well as constipation in my bowels

There are still little glitches, though

The status of my bank account for example
showed recently on my blood test
and my urine analysis discovered
pieces of large power point attachments
causing blockage of urine track
I have also forgotten the password
to my stomach
and had to fast for three days
until Microsoft system support called me back
then my brain crashed a couple of times
after I tried to scan for viruses
in my throat

I have also noticed that after heavy
drinking it took much longer to reboot my body
and that my liver started caching excessive
amounts of Pete's Wicked beer

Last morning my every heartbeat
caused a small window to
appear on the screen
"are you sure you want to proceed?" it asked


 A TRUE FREE MARKET SOCIETY 

On January, 1, 2001
Each person in the world
will be offered through IPO
to the public

Parents will be able to acquire up to 20%
of equity in their kids
subjected of course to dilutions when
other investors get involved
wives will now explicitly own equity
of their husbands in amount agreed upon in prenuptial
agreements,
attractive stock options will be offered to 
spouses in return for staying together longer
people who believe in themselves
will buy their own shares 
while the pessimists will short their own stock
or secretly buy shares of their neighbors

Companies, universities and schools will  invest in
their employees and students by acquiring their shares
There will be no need  for alumni gifts
those schools which truly believed in their students
will be rewarded when their stock goes up 
all donations now will be political
as everybody will be able to buy a position
in a politician
in fact
the one with the highest market capitalization will
serve as our president


There will be a good reason for celebration
when Merryl Lynch Analyst
upgrades you to strong buy
upon rumor 
about dating someone with the higher market value
or lower than expected cholesterol count


 ALIAS FILE 


I am looking at my email alias file
full of names and activities which no longer mean anything
here is the name of an old friend, and the old band
and a group which shared some little lousy dream
which must have been important at a time
since it secured a very catchy, easy to remember alias
here are some more important people, the joes
and the jims, with short names, typed in hurry,
and here are the VIPs, the closest ones
with one letter aliases
like w, d, and c,
these were never further than one keystroke away

this morning I went into a shooting spree
most aliases are now dead or mortally wounded
but there were no screams
and no police sirens around
only more old aliases
which are suddenly available 
to be filled again
until the next day of judgment arrives

 I STILL DO HAVE FRIENDS 

In my house the microwave oven knows
the exact temperature
which I like my coffee to be served
VCR records all the programs I like
and the radio plays all the songs
which I am in the mood to listen

they are certainly  good friends

My pants know the shape of my buttocks
and will complain loudly if someone
else will try to wear them
(if I die the new model will
drag themselves to my grave
and stay there like a friendly dog)

The shoes will adjust to all
the calluses and depending on how tired
my feet are will give them an internal massage
if someone else tries to wear them
they will be very uncomfortable
and pretend always to be one size too small

they are good and faithful friends

My email box will make sure that boring and
unpleasant messages don't reach me
my vacation program and my answering machine
will answer the nagging questions 
and fight those looking to take advantage
of me by calling them back repetitively
with discount offers from the local funeral house
as a penalty

they are good and faithful friends

My armchair will recognize my body and
will invoke severe backpains on anybody else
who even tries to sit on it
My shower will sprink a stranger with the
ice cold gasoline
My  keyboard will impose a day long bout of
carpal tunnel syndrome on anybody else who tries to use it
My LCD screen will temporarily (or in some cases
permanently) blind a stranger who tries to look at it
My bed will greet unwelcomed ones with severe skin inflammation combined
with genital itching and leave them with permanent arthritis
and My refrigerator..well my refrigerator is in correctional institution
paying for the selfsacrificing, selfless  act performed
trying to to protect me
I would rather not talk about it 
I get emotional easily these days

they are good and faithful friends
they are like family to me